this beer tastes like vomit already
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
