Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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