I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
