so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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