She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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