im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
