The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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