Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
