Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
