i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize