Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
