I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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