I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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