All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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