I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
