my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize