Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
