I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your cock deserves a montage
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize