Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
