Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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