my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They took my balls.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
