there's paper in my vomit.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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