i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
