Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
