At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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