she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need moral support for this bender
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
