we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
