Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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