we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
