R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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