fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
