i just wanna soil my oats bro
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
do nipples grow back?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
