I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
