Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
