I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
