so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
