I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
