but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize