For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
