Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
