there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
