If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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