What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
