never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need moral support for this bender
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
