I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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