I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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