It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
