if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
