his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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