Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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