Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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