Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
