All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
