Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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