if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Moan for me like Helen Keller
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
