i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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