I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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