And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
