I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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