Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
