You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
