i jhust puked up my retainher.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
40s are totally the cure
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
