Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
