Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
