Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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