dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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