No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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