he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
