At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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