i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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