I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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