what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
